I gained a lot from our conversation. When you asked me ``what kind of mother do I want to be`` you opened a door in my mind...I have been focusing so much on what kind of mother that I do not want to be that I didn’t even bother focusing on what I want for myself, and my children. That was extremely powerful for me and I thank you again for your support.
Renee Mack, Health Insurance Counselor, Chicago IL
Parenting and Attachment support is for parents when the kids are not around. For family oriented work with babies and children see Prenatal & Birth Play for Children and Cranial Sacral Work for Babies both of which include Parenting & Attachment Support. During the pandemic family work is available online or in your garden.
Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging jobs even though we may feel like we are permanently in an intensive workshop. Many parents are trying to cope alone without support. It can be especially challenging when there’s a sense of something missing in the connection with their children. It’s a little known fact that children who are securely attached want to please their parents. There may be an unresolved event in the past that can leave us feeling less than fully connected. Sometimes our own attachment style can be getting in the way of us connecting more fully with our children.
Interruptions to bonding and attachment can cause ongoing problems for children that can make it harder to parent them. There are many life experiences that can compromise secure attachment from the womb onwards. E.g.
1. Medical birthing practices that separate mom and baby at birth, which is sometimes necessary, but can interrupt the natural attachment process right after birth. Many post-birth medical procedures can be done whilst baby is held by one of the parents.
2. A mom who convinced herself she was having a girl discovered later in the pregnancy it was a boy. She disconnected from her unborn baby for two months as she processed the new gender information and then she reconnected. After birth her son needed some help with his feeling that he wasn’t ‘the right one’.
Parents’ attachment challenges and dynamics can affect how they parent and may be preventing them from becoming their best parenting self. Supported parents means happy relaxed children! Children know when their parents are getting support, they can feel it and it allows them to let down inside themselves. Children can be carrying family stress in their systems and then when support comes in they don’t have to carry it alone any more.
Attachment issues can sometimes result in an alpha child, one who is very difficult to parent because s/he is ‘in charge’ – see my Are You Parenting An Alpha Child article. Alpha children and their parents do well with some support to get their family back in balance and move the authority back to the parents.
For parents without their child present. For family work that includes children with both parents present see Prenatal & Birth Play for Children and Cranial Sacral Work for Babies both of which include parenting and attachment support. These services are available on Zoom or in your garden during the pandemic.
Parents need support; supported parent’s mean happy relaxed children. Parenting is one of the most rewarding and most challenging jobs. Many parenting books focus on the child’s behavior rather than helping us to understand what the real communication is from our children underneath their behavior. Children show us what they need through behavior and it’s our job to decipher their needs and discern what they need support to process. I support parents to look underneath the behavior to the deeper messages so their child can feel heard and supported.
We often parent:
Many of us don’t get the chance to think about what kind of parent we want to be and can feel unhappy with our parenting but unable to see a way to change. Children may be out of control or unhappy with parents who are struggling to understand what’s going on. Parenting on our own can be certainly be overwhelming and it’s very important for parents and children that the family has outside support. It makes all the difference.
Co-parenting can be a challenge especially when there are two different parenting styles involved. Other common areas of stress can be if there has been a separation between the parents, communication is challenging, there are not enough agreements about the parenting or existing agreements are not being followed. Children can feel very confused when the co-parenting isn’t working as well as it could be and their needs may also be unnoticed in this environment.
My work with Karen has enabled me to connect to my deepest self in a way I never knew was possible. In doing so, I have liberated my nervous system from much of it's past patterning, clearing the path for the conception, birth and life of my daughter. Through Karen's compassionate and powerful presence and touch, I learned to truly Trust. I am deeply grateful.
Rosie Hagerman, Pilates Instructor/Business Owner, Healdsburg, CA, USA